The Optimal Size of Government is Zero, or Close to Zero Anyway

August 11, 2010

I’ve been thinking a lot about the role of the state in Catholic social teaching, and I’ve come to the view that small-government conservatism is the only answer, and that the American founders are the true successors of Aquinas, and indeed of Jesus Christ.

I plan on writing a 10 part series explaining my views, each composed of 7 sub-parts. I know you will find these arguments fascinating and brilliant. Because they are quite brilliant, if I may say so myself. Prepare to be dazzled! They testify to my keen mind and erudition. In fact, they are so good that I’m going to go out and join some other blogs to post them on. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I am also planning some long posts expounding on the psalms, socialism in Dan Brown’s novels, the abortionist agenda in modern music, the relationship between Hayek and Balthasar, and a post-neo-historical-critical analysis of the New Testament. Stay tuned. I know you will all like these arguments. In fact, just as I write this sentence, I’m thinking of more brilliant insights I want to share with you. My mind moves to fast! What would you all do without me?

We can all make this argument from the position or freedom and liberty. If government is on your back, telling you what to do, taking your money, stealing you guns, or forcing you into gay marriages, then you are not free, and liberty is the most important principal in Catholic social teaching. This is a good argument, but I have a better one. This one is truly awesome.

Government spending should be almost zero because if the government gives anybody money, they could go out and use that money for abortion. Even if they pay for the abortion out of their own pocket, this distinction is a sham. As we all learned during the pathetic health care debate (when we make good points and liberals foamed at the mouth), money is fungible. The government is paying for abortion. Since it is illicit, evil, immoral, and reprehensible for the government to do that, the government is not permitted to spend any money.

Notice I said “almost zero”. There is one exception to my rule. The government must fund the military. The reason this is licit is double effect (I plan 12 posts explaining that to you). Because killing jihadists and the enemies of Christ (who are consubstantial with the enemies of America) is good, any abortions that might arise is allowed by double effect. In the best scenario of all, the military would kill abortionists and I would support that! Abortionists deserve what they good. The disgust me, just like Cardinal Mahony and nasty liberal bloggers disgust me. I love the military. I love America.

I believe I have proved my argument. I know you will like it. I know you will recognize how brilliant it is. But I recognize that some people will come on this blog to berate me, and tell me I’m wrong, and pretend they know it all because they have pathetic theology degrees from liberal elitist east coast schools. I want to be charitable, but I find it hard to deal with these people. They make me angry! They drive me crazy! I detest them and everything that stand for. They simply can’t understand the brilliance of my arguments, so why waste time on them? They make me really really angry. I am getting angry now thinking about them. I’m getting mad. My face is turning purple. I’m furious. I feel like punching my fist through the desk. I just did it. My fist really hurts!! I’m even angrier now. I want to stick my pen in my eye. Oh no, I just did it. Don’t worry, though, I wear glasses, so my eye is not hurt. But my glasses are broken. I AM SO ANGRY!!!!! OK, these people are all preemptively banned from this site. I don’t ever want to talk to them. I’ll spit on them in the street. Ahhhhhhhhh!

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10 Responses to “The Optimal Size of Government is Zero, or Close to Zero Anyway”

  1. Joe Hargrave said

    Actually, I get invited to other blogs.

    And releasing one’s anger from time to time is probably more healthy than, say, holding it all in until it rots your soul from the inside out. Not that that’s happened to you or anything.

  2. Dave Lister said

    Amen, Joe (both of you)! Let out that anger. Go find a liberal and let it out. In their face. That way we will have one more out of the way as we go forward and see the full effect of The Wave of the Future.

  3. Greenadder said

    Actually, I would say the optimal size of government is *less* than zero.

  4. I totally agree with Joe Hartgrave that there is nothing wrong with righteous anger. I’m really angry that the US.A is interpreting “religious freedom” so as to apply to the Moslem “religion.” This is not what Jesus Christ had in mind when he founded America.

  5. Dave Lister said

    That’s right — we should not allow Muslims here. Islam is, after all, a cult!

    Long live the fighters! The Wave of the Future!

  6. The Moslem threat is almost as serious as the altar girl threat.

  7. parkereuton said

    And the homos. Don’t forget the filthy, filthy homos.

  8. joepantsonfire said

    Joe, thanks for posting here. You’re my hero. I love you man.

  9. joepantsonfire said

    Another reason to cut government to zero is that Muslims cant get their hands on American money.

  10. Greenadder said

    If the U.S. would only adopt truly free market policies all the Muslims would convert to Catholicism, so it wouldn’t be an issue any more.

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