Manly bonding for young Traditional Catholic men

August 18, 2010

One of the things that I love the most about worshipping with my Latin Mass Community is, (besides the only True liturgy and politics), a vibrant, healthy community.

Mostly vibrant- it was. Awesomely vibrant? ‘Tis!

See, I noticed that there were breakaway groups for most of the cohorts in our community. The old ladies met over cups of hot water to fashion steel bead rosaries for the FSSP missionaries to the Mohammadans in Khartoum (“Tough knots for tough priests,” they like to say.) The old men met to tat lace albs for the (male only!) altar servers and to discuss what the “catholycs” are up to. The young ladies in the community met to BeJewel! their chapel veils and denim homeschool jumpers to color-coordinate with the liturgical color of the day. But what about us young men? We had nothing.

Until.

Until one afternoon I was guarding the Adoration Chapel from the liturgical dance brigade and it hit me. I knew what I needed to do.

Two Friday nights later we had our first Traditional Young Men’s Greco-Roman Wrestling Match.

Thanks to a certain online shopping experience we were able to purchase proper loincloths. Zzzzing!

Thanks to our wise and faithful priest, we learned how to put them on (with the appropriate vesting prayers- in Latin– I might add!)

Why the Traditional Young Men’s Greco-Roman Wrestling Club?

  1. A better understanding of traditional Roman culture
  2. Ancient men’s fashion
  3. Bonding with holy brothers
  4. Sweaty wrestling with each other is sort of a metaphor for the spiritual life. After all, we battle demons all the time. Except the demons aren’t sweaty and slippery.
  5. Roman baths!!! Err.

Scratch #5.

Seriously, guys, I invite you to join our group with this. You can email me anytime for details. We’re working on a lapel pin because we believe in this so much. Your traditional young men will never be the same once they grapple each other in a sweaty wrestling match. Trust me.

Parker Euton

JMJ,

Parker

P.S. All of my lady friends say I’ve never looked more alive. Take that, liberal catholycs!

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9 Responses to “Manly bonding for young Traditional Catholic men”

  1. Something like this would go over very well with the young men at my community of St. Barbara’s Shrine at Fort Archer!

  2. Pelayo Zaragosa said

    Loincloths?! Obviously, someone has not yet gotten a copy of the long out-of-print but invaluable “Rules of Greco-Roman Wrestling Described” by Father Adrian Forsythe. In that book, Fr. Forsythe is clear that real, traditional Greco-Roman wrestling is done in your birthday suit and greased up with extra-virgin olive oil. (Some Novus Ordo Greco-Roman wrestlers substitute regular vegetable oil, but that invalidates the match, since it was an invention of Fr. Annibale Gurnigni.) I hope you are not doing the “modernist” variation and actually wrestling with something covering your junk. (Though the Pope did give dispensation to wrestle in a protective cup in the Diocese of Braga, because it what a venerable tradition there, provided that the cup matches the liturgical color of the day.)

    It is hoped that you will abide by tradition, and give all solemnity to your competitive wrestling to the glory of God and butch Catholic manliness. After all, we need to take back hot, sweaty, naked, guy-on-guy action from those filthy homos. Nothing wrong with two guys grunting and grabbing each other while naked and oiled up.

  3. You know, if you guys need a photoshopper, my wife has a degree in studio-art photography. She’d be more than happy to earn a little bit of extra money while putting her degree to use. Also, I think she would sleep better knowing she’ddone her part to reduce the burden placed on the internet by really poor and random photoshop jobs.

  4. poofterrific latinist said

    Parker, it’s okay. You can put the thermometer away. No thermometer’s needed for the kind of intimacy you’re interested in. Being gay isn’t a defect or disordered. Think of it as a less common factory option. Trust me, there are many many clergy just like you. So you’re in good company!

    The reparative therapists tell us that men must bond with rough and tumble sports. NARTH suggests flag football; greco-roman wrestling might be a bit overboard. Still, these tactics rarely work — most gay men that go in for conversion therapy come out gay. Heck, there are gay NFL players — all that tackling did nothing for them. So there’s no need to do any male “sweaty bonding” to pray away the gay. Free up some time for hobbies.

    On the other hand: solemn Mass can go overboard with the tat, eh? Sometimes Mass is so fabulous!

  5. danmclockinload said

    Michael Denton, I am appalled that a Catholic man such as yourself would let his wife work and make money. That is a man’s function. To think otherwise to is be a dissident Catholic. Your soul could be in jeopardy.

  6. Olivier le Humanzé said

    Parker, your enthusiasm for the maniple is admirable, but indigo is not an approved color, and, in any case, shapeless denim is a cloth most suited for the pinafore dresses of our homeschooled young ladies.

  7. danmclockinload:

    Well, she is pregnant and sometimes she doesn’t wear shoes when she’s in the kitchen, so that should make you feel better.

    On the other hand, she works, wears pants on occasion, and speaks her mind. Also, she’s a teacher. But she has a shot a gun before, so that should even everything out.

  8. Sounds like you and your spouse are moving tentatively on the right track, Michael! As a Jesuit once told me, though, make sure you stand up for your gender!

  9. You listened to a Jesuit? I think your soul may be in far greater danger than mine.

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