Catholic fascists everywhere have two Catholic bloggers to thank for setting the record straight on the legacy of Christopher Columbus.

Michael Sean Winters over at National Catholic Distorter must have been recruited in order to change the reputation of that newspaper, as his views have often tip-toed into sanity. In addition to holding a quite-right view on the nation of Israel, Winters clearly sees that genocide in the name of the Gospel is justified.

And Joe Hargrave over at The American Catholic, always an unambiguous champion of Catholic fascism, gives us the more detailed goods on why Catholics should never apologize for European imperialism and genocide, including a scathing critique of that hero of the Christian Left — including the proponents of the condemned “liberation theology — Bartolome de Las Casas. Las Casas was clearly the forefather of dissident priests like Gustavo Gutierrez, John Sobrino, Richard McBrien, John Dear, Roger Haiht, and all Jesuits. And he was obviously a total creep and whiny guilt-ridden liberal.

Not only should Catholics NOT apologize for Columbus or Columbus Day or Euro-genocide, LET’S MAKE EVERY DAY COLUMBUS DAY at least in Spirit. Here is a quote to inspire you to those ends:

“No one should doubt that the gunpowder against the infidels is like incense to the Lord.” – Oviedo, 16th c.

Dead horses, you know?

September 26, 2010

I shouldn’t have, but I did!!!!!!

Today I read Fr. Richard McBrien’s article on Cardinal Marc Ouellet, the new head of the Vatican’s Congregation for Bishops. As the prefect for this congregation Cardinal Ouellet will play a crucial role in the appointment of the Church’s bishops in the years to come.

In his article McBrien makes the following observation:

When commenting on the greatest crisis to confront the Catholic Church since the Reformation of the 16th century, Ouellet seemed to blame the scandal of sexual abuse in the priesthood on the weakening of moral standards in society — a common explanation given by those who are reluctant to address the internal problems of the church, including obligatory clerical celibacy, the role of women, and the declining quality of pastoral leadership.

While there might be some who see the clergy sex scandal as the greatest crisis for the Church since the Reformation, I am certainly not one of them. But what I found completely absurd — again, I should’ve avoided the article to begin with, because it was to be expected — was McBrien’s reference to the role of women in this context. How, exactly, would priestesses have prevented the abuse of children by clergy?

Father McBrien: your vision of the Church and of the Second Vatican Council is both erroneous and dying!!!!! Only a tiny fraction of young Catholics in general and those seeking degrees in theology in particular accept that erroneous reading!!!!!

Might I propose that you get with the times?!?!?!?!

FINALLY! A U.S. Catholic Church willing to promote the truth! Morning’s Mittens over at the apostate “blog” Vox Granola is good for SOMETHING at least… He lets us know that Newton Leroy “Newt” Gingrich, republiteaparty upcomer and shiny brand-new Roman Catholic, will be holding a book signing at the glorious Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception this weekend. Of course, Mittens is trying to get all three of his readers to call the Basilica to protest this appearance of that whom can only be the perfect, most utterly perfect, Catholic public figure we have ever did see. And of course, Mittens had absolutely no problem with the Kenyan baby-killer appearing at the University of Notre Shame to pick up his Catholyc seal-of-approval in the form of a Ph.D. degree!!

Yes, the guy has been an adulterer in his distant past. We get it. Yes, he was a sinner. But what the Catholyc liberal baby-killers don’t understand is that he is a repentant sinner. Sure, it took the flashy-flashy of a new shot at the presidency to make him change his disgusting sexual ways. But this is in fact a glorious AMERICAN TRADITION. Look at Ronald Reagan, the former pro-choice politician and Hollywood whore. Look at John McCain, former — and kinda current — pro-choicer and adulterer. This is the pattern, people. This is how GOD WORKS. His Holiness Gingrinch has come home to Holy Mother Church from the Baptists, just as God has planned it. That’s all that counts. His soul has been saved. He is on the right team. So what if he sometimes sounds a little racist? I mean, so what if he ACTUALLY IS racist?! Look at the facts. Gingrich is

1. a good Catholic,
2. is solidly pro-life,
3. is faithful to Benedict XVI: the Pope of Christian Unity
4. he follows the Catechism of the Catholic Church

That’s all there is to it, folks. I mean, why have we not had potential candidates like this before? It is actually very simply to be a good Catholic politician.

The rector of the Basilica Monsignor Walter Rossi should be COMMENDED and PRAISED and MADE A CARDINAL for what he is doing. Catholic Fascists everywhere should email their thanks to him directly at wrr@bnsic.org. Send a nice e-card or something, maybe. If you would like to phone your thanks to him, do so at 202-526-8300. Tell Rossi that you are pleased that Benedict’s Vicar to the United States (forget about that Latino ambassador dude who is probably PRO-CHOICE I forget his name what the heck is it) is being given this holiest of platforms.

I was shocked, utterly shocked to find that one of my favorite Catholic fascist blogs, The American Catholic, ran not one, not two, but THREE BLOG POSTS about American pop parody comedy whatever icon “Weird Al” Yankovic this week.

Now I will admit that I enjoyed “Weird Al” music when he first began his career recording demos in a college dormitory bathroom and getting them played on Dr. Demento, “back in the day,” as the kids say. But I have come to see “Weird Al” not as simple parodic comedy, but as a true threat to America and to everything She values.

First of all, it is simply NOT TRUE when Tito Edwards writes:

Warning: The following videos are without profane lyrics or any form of nudity. You may finally realize that you can enjoy “contemporary” or “pop” music without all the vileness that emanates from the black hole that is MTV.

Well, okay, it is mostly true. But the VILENESS that he refers to is present in “Weird Al’s” music. And his music serves as a GATEWAY to the MTV filth that Tito refers to. Let me explain.

One of Tito’s favorite “Weird Al” songs is the style parody “One More Minute” in which Yankovic sings about how he would rather have a bunch of terrible, disgusting, and painful things done to him rather than stay with his woman. Although this song could be construed to be about divorce, which is unclear due to the ambiguous lyrics, one thing is for sure: the song has a clear masturbation reference that Tito apparently did not catch: I’m stranded all alone at the gas station of love / and I have to use the self-service pumps.

This is not the only sexual reference in Al’s music. His album Even Worse features a song called “Stuck in a Closet With Vanna White.” Many of his “polka medleys” contain bits of popular songs that contain sexual lyrics, including the song “Polkas on 45” which contains the lyrics “I’m a little girl when we make love together” from the Berlin song “Sex (I’m A).” And his medley “The Hot Rocks Polka,” made up of bits from songs by The Rolling Stones contains lyrics from “Let’s Spend the Night Together” and “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction.”

Even Al’s parodies that do not themselves reference immoral behavior are often making fun of songs that are clearly sexually immoral. Take for instance his “Isle Thing” from the album UHF – Original Motion Picture Soundtrack and Other Stuff. The song is just a harmless song about Gilligan’s Island, right? Not so fast, Weird-o! The song is based on “Wild Thing” by Tone Loc, one of the most immoral songs ever recorded. If you choose to “Google” the lyrics, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Another earlier example is the song “Like a Surgeon” which is clearly a parody of Madonna’s song “Like a Virgin.” And no, the famous anti-Catholic “Madonna” is NOT singing about the Blessed Mother as you might guess.

Just as “Weird Al” parody songs can be a gateway into learning all about the original songs which often feature sexually immoral behavior, other behavior and strange ideas can be found once “Weird Al” listeners seek out the originals. Take another of Tito’s favorites, the recent Al track “Bob” which is a style parody of Bob Dylan. The song appears to be quite ingenious, parodying Dylan’s distinctive vocal style while Al sings lyrics that are nonsensical but made up of nothing but Palindromes. That’s all well and good, but imagine for one moment that some young Catholic kid decides to look up Bob Dylan as a result of hearing this song. Not only would the poor young man be exposed to more sexually explicit content in some of Dylan’s songs, but constant songs about peace and pacifism. The One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church’s teaching, coming directly from Jesus Christ, is JUST WAR TEACHING. Last and not least, Bob Dylan’s main instrument was the guitar and he was known as part of the ’60s folk revival. Yes, that’s right, the precise context for the “ROMAN CATHOLIC” FOLK MASS. Indeed, some hippie dippie St. Louis Jesuits extremist types actually played Bob Dylan songs like “Blowing in the Wind” at Mass! Can you imagine singing about peace ON A GUITAR at Mass? Of course you can, because Bob Dylan RUINED the Catholic liturgy. He was probably one of the ecumenicistic periti (that is, people who had no right to be there!) at Vatican II, sitting right next to Carl Rahner!!

Perhaps most troubling is the “Weird Al” song “Christmas at Ground Zero.” Although it was released back in 1986, the song has not since been banned, not even after 9/11. It is a dishonorable song, and disgraceful to the American people. “Weird Al” should apologize for it, of course, but he — to date — has not. He is still raking in the money from that song every time some punk kid buys a copy of the album Polka Party. Until he apologizes for writing, prophetically, such an un-American song, I’m afraid Catholic fascists everywhere will have to judge “Weird Al” HIMSELF to be un-American.

See for yourself.

Not to mention the fact that “Weird Al” kind of looks Canadian at the end of the song.

That’s enough evidence, I think, to show that “Weird Al” deserves no place in a Catholic home, and certainly no place on a Catholic blog. THE CATHOLIC FASCIST calls on THE AMERICAN CATHOLIC to apologize and retract its damaging and embarrassing statements of Al fandom, lest they be lumped in with the vile and liberal MTV loving heretics.

OK, I’ve got coupons for Chick-Fil-A to use! Later!

GOD SAVE ARIZONE-A!

September 3, 2010

Holy fucking shit. I have to swear a little bit, and I apologize and reprent to my God Jesus, but HOLY SHIT, this video had me in tears:

At first I thought it must be a joke, from maybe some liberals or something, because I have never encountered such sincerity from Republican Tea Partiers. Ray Steven, you have outdone thyself. This video will move hearts. And minds. And souls, to the Jesus that I know.

I cannot say much as I am still absorbing all of the sand, cacti, blue screens, and trucker hats featured in your musical film. But I will reiterate!

GOD SAVE ARIZONE-A FROM OUR OWN FED’RAL GOVER’MENT!!!

3:41 — You shake your head at the sin of this liberal nation!
3:44 — You put your hands in your own middle-class pockets that that MUSLIN Obama President of ours is STEALING FROM.

You seriously could not be more accurate in the way you portray the oppression of the white, bearded man in this country!

So, lemme get this straight. Tomorrow is Friday which means Saturday is Saturday and that is the day I can and will go to confession to reprent to Jesus for the word “fucking” that I used in this post. But tough guys must use tough words to portray the obscenity of the brown men and womens that are entering this country to steal from us. I promise to have a little talk with Jesus about my language in confession on Saturday, as it was use only for his glory and for his honor and also that of the United States of America on this day in Glenn Beck’ honoor. Forgiveness is coming for me in sacrament.

I dare you to listen to this video and not be moved in the depths of your heart, soul, and nether-regions. Thank you, Ray. Ray, thanks.

“Once more, there is absolutely nothing wrong with Embryonic Stem Cell Research.”

These are the direct words of the president of the Catholic Family and Human Rights Institute (C-FAM) and recipient of an honorary doctorate at Franciscan University in Steubenville, written in the comboxes of Catholyc blog “VOX NOVA.”

This man has no doubt done amazing things for the Unborn — including letting them know that George W. Bush is a fine Catholic man. And surely Franciscan U. had these amazing things in mind when they invited him to be their commencement speaker and when they gave him a doctorate in 2004.

But the sad thing is that in casual conversation, such as on blogs, even our most hallowed leaders can say things that make us question their pro-life credentials. I have no doubt that the good Doctor uddered these words because he was in the company of liberals and he wanted to appear “thoughtful” and “nuanced,” just “one of the girls.” The fact is, though, what he says is not TRUE nor is it even CORRECT. He apparently does not know the meaning of the Catholic term NON-NEGOTIABLE.

Sure, the Doctor tried to explain what he meant by this sentence further down the thread. But my post here proves that such explanations make no difference, as his words speak for themselves. This sentence can be taken entirely to mean exactly what it says, and for that reason we should be wary of pro-life leaders who misspeak in such a way. He could lead the faithful to be the non-faithful. This udderance brings scandal to the Catholic community, and should bring scandal to the Franciscan U. community as well.

We at THE CATHOLIC FASCIST join the chorus of conservative voices in the Catholic blogosphere as we call on Father Terrence Henry, TOR, president of Franciscan University to stand by his obvious Philadelphian pro-life commitments and revoke the honorary degree given to this questionable pro-life leader and to re-do the 2004 graduation replacing the “honored” “doctor” with Glenn Beck as commencement speaker. Franciscan’s untarnished reputation of ORTHODOXY is at stake here, lest it join the ranks of Notre Dame, Boston College, Georgetown and Yale as a BAD CATHOLIC UNIVERSITY OR COLLEGE.

Father Henry’s contact information does not appear to be listed on the university website. He could no doubt be found deep in prayer for Glenn Beck at the Christ the King Chapel. The phone number there is (740) 283-6276. Or try the Office of Catechetics at (740) 284-5317, since the honorary doctor needs some real catechesis on the topic of PRO-LIFING.

The liberal dissedent (and probably closeted homosexualistic) Catholyc blog “VOX NOVA” (hereafter referred to as VOX PUKA or VOX NO-WAY JOSE!) weighs in with it’s opinion of our weblog e-postolate THE CATHOLIC FASCIST here.

Vox Puka blogger Harry Karlson (probably a fake name inspired by KARL MARKS) makes several claims that are just off base or just stupid.

1) Harry Karlmarks says that we are ridiculing the way that Catholic doctrine is presented on the internet. Nope. No we are not. We are CHANGING the way Catholic doctrine is presented on the internet. It is now in its PUREST ELECTRONICAL FORM, UNABRIDGED TRUTH. The only thing better than what we say here is the Catechism, the first version of course, not the revised one that says the great American tradition of capital punishment is wrong.

2) He seems to suggest that we ripped off the idea for this blog from some Orthodox blog called The Onion Dome. No way. I don’t think any of us have ever heard of that blog. The Onion, yes. Onion Dome? No. No way.

3) Karlmarks makes the accusation that there are grammatical mistakes in this blog. That could be true. Good point.

4) Harry says that THE CATHOLIC FASCIST is “not needed” just because there is a blog already called The American Catholic. Maybe if Harry would actually read this blog — at least the description of it, this blog — he would know how much we look up to The American Catholic. THAT said, when we wrote our “ABOUT” page, we meant what we said. Even The American Catholic and blogs that are like it are too liberal. That is precisely why we are needed. This blog = the fullest expression of e-Truth you can find on the Internet.

5) Finally the last couple of sentences is Harry’s post are just plain dumb liberal nonsense. He says:

One thing I think its critics are right about: The Catholic Fascist, unless it brings in new ideas, is a blog which will come and go and will soon be forgotten.

This Harry guy is a great example of the typical liberal, modernist desire for NEWNESS and INNOVATION. If THE CATHOLIC FASCIST does not say something NEW, then it must not be right and it will fade from existence. I have news for Karlmarx: GOD’S TRUTH IS ETERNAL AND THAT MEANS OLD. And we will continue to proclaim God’s eternally old Truth into the wet ears of this young liberal generation whether these liberal Marxist socialist anarchist hippies and their “new and improved”-obsessed “minds” until they are struck down by God Himself when He comes and all that are left are us Truth-seeking men.

Sorry if there are mistakes in this post. I wrote it real fast ’cause I’m real mad, using a few abbreviations.

One more thing: Just a reminder that you should “like” Chick-fil-A on Facebook if you use that website. Look at the menu, locate stores, prayer requests, it’s all there.

You may now “like” The Catholic Fascist on Facebook, if you use that particular site. It is much more wholesome than the porn-infested MySpace website. Click here while logged in to “like” us.

UPDATE: You can also “like” Chick-fil-A on Facebook. I did not know that. Helpful to know. I encourage you to support this Christian business that is changing the face of Fast Food from the inside out.